Who I Am

I am a crier. I am overly emotional. I am irrational. I am passive aggressive. I am overly sensitive. I am silly. I am awkward. I am an extremely flawed person.

The older I get the better I understand myself. I may not know why I do half the things I do, and a lot of times I can't help the way I feel, but I do know that I am not a bad person.

I do not know how people see me in their eyes, and a lot of times I fear the judgments they have on me. The fear of being disliked constantly lingers in my thought. It may also be the reason why I am such a pushover, and why I can never say no. I know it stems from being insecure.

I realize that it is naive to be such a people pleaser as I can never make everyone happy. I shouldn't try so hard to please the people that don't matter to me. I know this, so I will somehow find a way to change. As corny as it sounds... I know I need to grow up. I need to change what I know is not healthy.

It's scary getting older because you then start to realize how many responsibilities you have. I know I should already know who I am, and where I should be, but I often find myself being lost. I am often unsure of what I should be doing, and it's making me fall behind. I feel like I have to play a game of catch up with life, but I never am able to catch up. How is it possible that someone who is almost a quarter of a century is confused on who she is, and where she is going?

I don't know if getting older is making me more sympathetic or more emotional, but I have this urge to try to help the world in some way. Maybe it's the fact that I know more about what is going on in the world that it makes me want to help everyone. It doesn't matter what the reason is. I guess what matters is the fact that I want to make a difference. Whether it's by buying Toms shoes so that a kid somewhere in the world can have a pair of shoes or maybe growing out my hair to donate it someone with cancer or giving money to KIVA to give someone a chance to survive.

Life is tough, and I see it more every single day of my life. I see how hard my parents work for me, and how fortunate I am to be blessed with all the amazing fortunes in my life. I may not be wealthy, but I have the best support group. With everyday, I realize more and more how important the people in my life. I hope each and every one of them knows how much I love them. :)