Study, Study, Study

Do you ever study so much, but you still feel it's not enough? Or maybe you are studying a lot, but you just can't get it into your head? Like all the studying in the world won't help you retain the information?

I feel like that right now, and I just can't get myself to be super studious. All I want to do is all the things I'm not suppose to do. Like go out and ride my bike (it's a nice day.), paint my nails a different color, or read a new book.

I just want to break free, and not do what I am suppose to be doing. I need to tell myself to study. I'll get a break tomorrow when I got to the Natural History Museum. (I think that may be my favorite museum. I love that place.)

I can feel the sweet freedom of summer coming. I just need to tell myself to make it until summer.

Summer is going to be good. I have so many things planned. Yay!

Messy hair

I can't make my hair do what I want it to. I tell it to stay straight, and it becomes puffy. I tell it to be wavy, and that's when it decides to be straight. I can't win the battle, and it's driving me crazy.

It may have to do with the fact that I sometimes sleep on damp hair. It's just that I always take a shower at night, and sometimes I fall asleep before it can completely dry. I don't blow dry my hair at night because: a) it's loud and b) I have oily hair, and the heat just makes me sweat more. I end up with crazy bed hair that cannot be combed.

I have gotten my hair to be less greasy in the last few days. It's not so oily that you can fry an egg on it anymore. I used a really good clarifying shampoo, and it does the job well. My hair is only slightly greasy at the end of the night. I don't use a conditioner anymore though, and my hair is mostly in tangles these day. I am not suppose to brush my hair often (it causes your scalp to be more oily), so I am at a lost on what to do.

Maybe I will just accept my faith as the girl with messy hair. I should be used to it by now, but the thing is... I want my hair to look normal.

An Ode

I wanted to write an ode to my friends. The people that has kept me from going insane, and those people that have shaped me into the person I am today. I love my friends, and each of them are so important to me.

I love how they can pick up how I am feeling even when they are hundreds of miles away. I love how they encourage my strangeness and accept me for the weird girl that I am. Life would be dramatically different without them.

Who gives me the opportunity to enjoy things that I would have never done on my own? Who tells me everything is going to be alright when I am in the pits? Who lets me eat off their plate whenever I ask for it?

Frances- We've been friends for so long that you've become a habit. I don't think I can function without you in my life. You always give me things to ponder about.

Julie- How you make me laugh. I love how we can be extremely silly one minute, and be serious the next. I appreciate the fact that we can fight and makeup in an hour. You're also the reason for my addiction. You supply me with a healthy dose of Korean Dramas.

Mariana- Where have you been all my life? I only wished we were better friends sooner. No matter how often I see you (which is everyday), I never get tired of hanging out with you.

Khanh- Our friendship has lasted so long. We are good friends no matter how often or little I see you. I could go months without seeing you, and we would pickup like no time was lost whenever we saw each other again.

Anhny- You're so enlightening and wise. You're the older sister I never had, and I'm extra glad that I met Frances because it led me to you.

Jason- It's weird that our friendship works. I only think it's weird because if you had asked me 7 years ago if I thought we would ever be good friends, I'd probably think that was impossible. Thank for showing me the light. I am now addicted to Zion, movies, and Sundance like no other.

Jean- My blogging friend, you have been so insightful. I think it's great that we can be friends... even if it's online.

Tracy- I've always felt a kinship towards you. Although we don't write as often as we used to, I just love how we are always interested in each other's life.

Efy- I think you're adorable. I really do.

I have other friends I would love to mention, but it would take me a decade and it would bore you all.

I love you guys for reasons you probably already know.

Biking and World Travels

I just saw an amazing documentary the other night at the Newport Beach Film Festival. "Free Wheels East" is about two cousins who decided to bike on all seven continents. They decided to save a lot of money, quit their job, and bike their way through the world. The movie made me want to stop everything, and do what I've dreamed about. How many people can claim they biked in Antarctica?

They never knew where the next day would take them, but they always continued forward. I admire that. I wish I was brave enough to just do something without worrying about the future. I wish I could seize the moment.

The documentary made me miss my bike. How I mourned for my bike. How I loved my bike.

This morning I found a little surprise in my garage. My dad had picked me up a used bike, and it was sitting right where my old bike used to be. It is shiner, prettier, and much newer than my old bike. I think I may have screamed and ran out of the house (with the bike, of course) to ride it around the neighborhood. It was pure, unadulterated joy.

For that moment I felt spoiled. My parents never tell me on a regular basis that the love me. I know they do, but we just aren't mussy people (actually, I am the only mussy one in the family). I felt loved when I rode that bike. My wants didn't go unheard, and that my dad cared enough to do this for me. I know it's just a bike, and that it's not a big deal to a lot of people, but to me... it's the whole world.

It made me laugh how things worked out. I had just watched a documentary about biking and a bit later, I was given a bike. I can't wait to take it on a joy ride. :)

Cooking Again

I've claimed that I was going to start to cook awhile ago, but I abandoned the idea a week later.

I realize that I can get incredibly lazy about cooking, and am a lot of time uninspired. Cooking is a lot of work, and it has always been a skill I lacked.

But I will now start again. I have a lot plans, and have a new cookbook that I want to test out. I haven't tried a new recipe in a month, and I think it's about time to try again.

I will be attempting a few things this weekend, and will be reporting back asap.

Wish me luck. I will be needing it.

No Expectations

I don't expect very much from life. I realize that this may sound rather depressing, but I've learned at a very young age that if you don't expect anything, you won't be disappointed.

My family wasn't well off when I was growing up, so I learned not to ask for many things. My parents did the best they could, but a lot of time I had to go without. I'm not in any way complaining. I loved my childhood, and I had everything I needed (Just not everything I wanted). My parents made sure that I was a happy child.

To escape reality as an teenager, I read or watched movies. I knew that life wasn't always happy, so I would submerge myself into stories that would then proceed to keep me entertain for hours. I lived vicariously through fictional stories, and learned to repress my desires.

I've gotten hurt a lot as an adult, so I learned to expect nothing. I wanted the whole sha-bang as a teenager. I wanted love, children, success, wealth, etc. I've now gotten to the point of my life where I'm ok with never getting married or having kids. I don't expect to become rich (I only hope to be able to survive.), and I now realize that I won't be traveling the whole wide world (I can only hope to travel to parts of it).

I'm ok with that. If I end up marrying a millionaire, own a large company or end up coming a new theory in the world of geology then it'll just be a bonus. Not expecting anything is a self defense. I never become disappointed with my own life. I learned to suppress my emotions by escaping to books, movies, lunch dates with friends, and simply keeping busy.

It's how I keep myself from becoming depressed. I have everything I need now, and should just learn not to expect too much. I do want more, but what I want is what I consider very reasonable.

Maybe I should change how I think, and start thinking big. Having no expectations does keep me from doing a lot of things...

Simple Pleasures

I become happy over the little things, and the little things are what truly makes my days. It doesn't take much for me to become overjoyed. I'm a simple person, and I have simple pleasures.

I had to pick up a few things at Target yesterday, and was pleasantly surprised at the checkout stand. I exclaimed in excitement when the cashier gave me the last free tote (They were giving them away yesterday to promote being "green"), and made him laugh. I was excited about the bag (it's the cutest bag), and almost cried from joy when he gave me a 5 cents discount on my purchases for having a tote bag. This may not seem much, but it was such an unexpected surprise.

I'm happy when someone gives me free things. I'm happy when I get the last slice of pizza. I'm happy when someone tells me something nice. I'm happy we I am sleeping on freshly washed sheets. I'm happy over the smallest things, and those are the things that help me keep my sanity.

It's the small things that I remember. The small happy moments that I treasure. I'm happy most of the time. :)

Birthday Shopping

I panic slightly when I don't buy a present a month in advance. I always feel like I'm a failure when I cannot come up with something witty to get the person.

Gift cards can be good or a bad thing. I love gift cards. I love having the freedom of buying whatever I want without effecting my bank account. The present can be a little impersonal, but if I know the other person will appreciate it then I don't see why it would be so bad.

If I'm trying to impress someone I will try to think really hard about what to get them for birthdays and holidays. I sometimes spend hours and days thinking, and will not be able to come with anything. I do have moments though when I come up with ingenious ideas. Sometimes I hit it right on the nose. (There are times when I plan on what to buy 6 months in advance.)

But sometimes I fail. I am currently panicking right now as I can not find the perfect present for a friend. I know what I want to get, but I just haven't found it yet. It drives me mad. I am fearful of what I might be forced to buy.

I just hate to give someone their present late almost as much as I hate to give a present that isn't neatly packaged or wrapped. The best part of a present is reading the card and opening the packaging. Right? Anyone?

I know, I know... I am weird.

Greasy Hair

I have extremely oily hair, and I don't know what to do with it anymore. I tried to ignore the problem, and pretend that it didn't exist, but I think other people notice.

After washing my hair, it takes only a few hours for it to become greasy again. There isn't a day in my life where I can get away with not washing my hair. I've been conditioned all my life to wash my hair. Not washing my hair will result in looking like I feel in a pool of oil. It's sadly true.

It makes me slightly bitter when I see that none of the rest of my family has to deal with such a problem. They can go a day without washing their hair, and it does not show.

I almost wished I had frizzy dry hair. Would that be easier to manage?

I will now attempt to use some home remedies to help fix this problem. I've already tried dumping baby powder over my hair and brushing it. (It's suppose to absorb oil, but I ended up looking like a ghost.) I will now trip to put lemon juice into my shampoo. (At least I won't smell bad.)

We'll see how this goes. Hopefully I won't make my hair worse. :D

Productive Day

I did end up doing a two hour hike with a friend yesterday, and I must say that it was rather refreshing. It wasn't a hard hike in any way, but it was nice to be surrounded by lush green grass and colorful flowers. There may even have been a lady bug or two. There were a bunch of school kids, and I thought it was so awesome that they were learning about geology. We even found a sign that listed how weathering (of rocks) occurred.

After eating an unhealthy lunch consisting of eggs benedicts and potatoes, we spent the afternoon getting a free facial. I have to state that I love facials. There's something so wonderful about having someone rub on sticky facial scrub and stingy face mask. It may have to do with the hand message, and being pampered.

The rest of the day was spend shopping for birthday presents which resulted in buying nothing but things for me. Why is it so hard to buy another person a nice present? It probably has to do with the fact that I am easily distracted, and am always finding things I like.

I am paying for my shopping day. I am so sick that talking even hurts my throat. Ugh, I just want to not have to cough every 3 second. I want to be back to normal already.

I recently decided that I was going to become girlier, and ever since have been on a quest to take better care of my face. I am a bit concerned in what this may mean, but I'm ready for a change. :D

Good Idea?

I've gotten sick, and I am coughing on everything and everyone. Please excuse me while I take a break to have a coughing fit... COUGH, COUGH, WHEEZE, SNEEZE, COUGH. Don't let that scare you as I'm a fit as a horse, and I am ready to party. Anytime. Anywhere.

I get sick easily, and I am blessed with having a terrible immune system. I think I spent most of my life being sick or thinking I am going to get sick. I'm so used to it that I just expect it now.

I don't know who got me sick, but they gave me the worst sore throat in the history of sore throats. I literally want to dig my fingers down my throat and scratch. Too bad my fingers are short and that I have a gag reflex.

To conquer my illness I am going to go on a hike in about 6 hours. My other friend who is currently sick also (We have the same problem right now.) is going to accompany me while we try to conquer mountains, and explore new territories. I'm not sure if this is a good idea, but I've heard that the outdoors is good for getting over being sick. Who doesn't feel like hiking when they feel like crap? Anyone?

We'll see how it goes. I bet it'll be great! (I can be hopeful at random times.)

Creepy or Not?

I pride myself in being able to remember names and faces. I like it when people remember who I am and what I say, so I try to do the same... even if I don't really know them. When it comes to people, I have an elephant memory.

The thing with Facebook is that it makes it so easy for me to "meet" new people. If one of my friends tells me they have a crush on someone, it's easy for me to look that person up. If I'm lucky I can even learn 25 random facts about them. If a friend is tagged in pictures with other people, I quickly start to recognize those people and their names. I start to "know" people before I ever meet them.

This becomes really strange when I do get to meet them in person. I always think to myself that they look really familiar, and then I realize that I "see" them all the time. Then I start to remember the little details, and that's when I start to feel creepy. They don't know me, and yet I can recite what their favorite movies are, and the things they like to do. There has been a time when I accidentally asked someone how their boyfriend was. They were shocked because they have never mentioned him to me. I felt like a stalker, and started to wonder what people thought of me.

Meeting people that I have already seen their profile feels a little bit unnatural. It loses the fun of meeting someone for the first time, and can lead to awkward conversations. (Although I have to admit it can also be very useful. You know who to avoid, and who would make a great friend.)

I can't imagine my life without Facebook though. It's like I can keep in touch with everyone without having to call them all. (That means I love you if I talk to you over the phone.)

Failure

My brother and I do not share the same taste in music. He loves J Pop, rap, and a bunch of other random stuff that makes me skin crawl. I cannot stand to listen to most of his music. Whenever he is playing it, I either have to leave the room or make him change what he is listening to.

I listen to mellow music, a little bit of country, a lot of rock and roll, and some R&B. I like to listen things I can relate to, and actually be able to hear the lyrics. Call me crazy, but I don't want to listen to music that talks about drugs or sex.

There is only two artist/band that my brother and I both love. It is Jack Johnson and Weezer. We love them. Whenever we are both listening to music on the computer, we can only agree to listen to JJ and Weezer.

Our love for Jack Johnson has been going on for years, but we keep missing his concerts. He was at UCLA twice, and my brother forgot to buy us tickets both times.

Jack Johnson finally released a new album, and is going to go on tour this year. My brother and I had the date written down in our calendar, and we were ready to buy tickets. We

were determined that this would be the year that we finally saw him. We had money saved up, and we were extremely excited.

But I forgot to wake up Saturday morning, and now all the tickets are sold out. What sadness! Buying it from a third party would be ridiculous. They are selling each a LAWN ticket for over $100 which is totally insane.

I guess my brother and I will just have to settle for listening to Jack Johnson on his album. :(

Partying It Up!

I just came back from a friend's party. I must say it was really pleasant, and much better than I was expecting. There was a ton of food, and I even brought the fondue fountain (Thanks Frances!).

I'm used to being the awkward girl who stands in corners, and not being able to integrate myself in groups of people I don't know. I'm so glad I brought my friend because she was so smooth with meeting new people that it made it much easier for me to approach people. All I had to do was to show up by her side when she was talking to someone. (Ha ha!)

This party was completely opposite of what I imagined. I was able to talk to so many people, and so many people were willing to talk to me. I was pleasantly surprised there were even people willing to coach me through pool (the game). It was nice to see some people that I haven't seen in awhile. Because they aren't really my friends, I only see them at certain events.

There was an absurd amount food, and I was simply in heaven as I ate mac and cheese and chocolate covered bananas. I love Jason's mac and cheese... it's just the right amount of cheesiness without it being too cheesy. Does that even make sense? Just trust me when I say the food was good.

I had so much fun that I am looking forward to the next party. Although these parties come far in between, I shall practice my social skills. I want to get over my awkwardness, and be able to speak to strangers without getting nervous. Someday I may even become the life of a party. Ha ha, I can dream can't I?

Weird Names

I read an article today regarding how adjusted children are based on their names. The odder the name, the more likely they will get into trouble growing up. Children with odd names are bullied in school more, and are more likely to have self esteem issues.

Growing up I was constantly teased for my name. I didn't get bullied or was mistreated very much, but I did get a lot of jokes for me name. My name is so easy to make fun of. How could an kid resist? Hang ten, Hang on, Hang up, Hang loose, Hang over, Hang out, etc. I've heard them all.

But my brother was teased constantly about his name, and though he didn't turn out so bad, he still remembers how he hated being picked on. It's something that a person remembers for life, and it was all because of his ethnic name.

There are cases where children with interesting names learn to love their name. It's not a guarantee that children will weird names are going to be miserable.

There was even a study where people where more likely to become (career wise) what their name suggest. For example there is a an oceanographer named Dr. Fish, and even one named Mr. Seamann. A lot of people are more interested in subjects that relate to their name. Children may pay closer to attention to a topic that was related to their name, and in turn become very knowledgeable in the topic which leads to careers.

I used to think I wanted to name my children (if I ever have any) a funky name, but I'm starting to think maybe I should choose something not too weird. There goes naming my kid Elephant (I just adore elephants! I can't help it if I would want to name my child that.), but maybe I will name my daughter Elle. That's normal enough right? :)

Squealing

Note: Isn't this a cute pig? Whenever I think of squealing I think of cute little pig rabbits.

I don't know what it is but whenever you get me with a certain friend(s), we tend to squeal and talk in high pitch voices.

Someone mentioned today that when she watches Korean dramas with me, she tends to squeak and talk really high. She even mentioned that was good for her because she wanted to sing at a higher note in choir.

Later that night, someone else told me I squeaked whenever I got excited over something (usually a drama).

I've always thought that I had a deeper, non-girly, man voice. At least that's what I've always heard in my head.

Apparently, I talk in a higher frequency whenever I am excited or in love (which is often). I tend to be really expressive whenever I feel a certain emotion which makes me a very bad liar. At least you know when I squeal really loud that I am happy as a clam. :)

Open Doors

I know I am a strange person, and that I have a lot of "interesting" habits. One of them is that fact that I can never close my bedroom door. My bedroom door is always open because:

1. I need an easy escape route if a killer is going to smash my windows open. Who has time to open the door, and run out screaming?
2. I fear that during an earthquake my door will get stuck, and that I will not be able to escape my room.
3. I am extremely claustrophobic. I don't like being in a space without an open entry. Elevators scare me unless someone else is with me. I always feel better if someone is with me.
4. I tend to throw my covers off in the middle of the night, and my mother still checks on me to tuck me in.
5. I am afraid someone will break into my house, and I need to be able to hear if that was to occur.

I know this sounds extremely paranoid, but I have thought about this for a long time. It's always good to have a backup plan, and I'm just preparing myself in an event of an emergency (no matter how unlikely). :D

Meat Once More

I've decided to bring meat back into my life, and no longer be a vegetarian of any sort. I've done it for a year now, and have decided that I want to go back to the other side.

I still love animals, and I won't eat it often, but I think I'm ready to have meat back into life. I plan on still avoiding beef (bad for environment), but I miss eating chicken. BBQ chicken, fried chicken, and baked chicken.

Maybe someday I will go back to being a vegetarian, but for now, I think I'm ok with eating meat.

Day One of Spring Break

I love having a good friend around when all you want to do is sit around and veg out, and that was exactly what we did on Monday.

We went to the movies for some fresh air, and to sigh dreamily over Gerald Butler. He definitely redeemed himself since The Ugly Truth. I can't get over how nice his pants and shoes were in the movie. (I realize that I notice the weirdest things.

There was lunch involved later in the day, following a trip to Fry's to pick up a 100ft ethernet cable that only came in blue. Can you imagine the blue wire against my white walls? It amuses me to no end.

We then proceeded to spend the rest of the afternoon watching Korean dramas, and making dinner. Because it is spring break, we decided to make ourselves breakfast for dinner (only my favorite meal of all times), and drink coffee at night. There may of been butter during dinner.

I got absolutely no studying done, but I plan to be an angel on Thursday, and learn every possible thing about Historical Geology. Yeah, only because I will probably be done with the drama by then. haha.

Spring Break

It's spring break, and I'm ready for all the naps I'm about to embark on. That also includes sleeping in, and reading a large quantity of chick lit. This may also include countless number of romantic comedies and Korean dramas.

I realize that I have to fit in studying somewhere in my week, but I'm convinced it can wait. I should be partying it up (or at least pretending to), and trying to forget school for a few days. I do feel a tad bit guilty for not studying though... It eats at me.

Maybe I'll go visit the beach and work on my tan. Maybe I'll go out for ice cream and people watch. Whatever I'll be doing, I'll mostly be doing it alone (I realize I need more friends or a more active social life). I'm a bit of a hermit crab, so this will be right up my alley.

Yay for spring break, vegging out, and letting your brain turn into mush. I'll party like a rock star, and worry about everything else later. Isn't that what a spring break is for?

Fictional Characters

I fall in love often. Whenever I look into a puppy's eyes, I feel like I am madly in love. When I am eating something really delicious, I feel like I am in love. (I do not fall in love with everything or everyone. It actually takes a lot for me to fall in love, but there is a lot of things/people I love.)

I didn't have a lot of crushes (on boys) growing up, but I realize that I am always currently in love with a fictional character or celebrity. Apparently I cannot separate fiction from reality.

My first love will always be Batman. Bruce Wayne is such a manly man. He is always in the right place, says the right thing, and can kick butt. My childish heart had no chance. I was convinced he'd take me to his bat cave, and we'd ride in his batmobile. (I also had a Gambet phase. I watched a lot of X-Men cartoons as a teenager.)

I thought Owen Wilson was the most hilarious man when I was in high school. I thought he was wonderful (along with James McAvoy, Johnny Depp, etc.)

I am currently in love with characters from Korean dramas. I have to convince myself daily that these characters do not exist, and I need to get in touch with reality. (Haha.) I should not fall in love with fictional character. It will only cause me a lot of heartbreak.

Note to self: Do NOT fall in love with fictional characters. Must focus on reality. :)