What Hang Wants

Is it bad to want more?

Let me explain... I love my life. I don't really have much to complain about. I have loving parents, amazing friends, and am able to do most of the things I want within reasons. I have a really wonderful life, but sometimes I am left with wanting more.

I don't want to seem selfish, and I don't mean to be, but I have so many wants in my life. Shouldn't I be content because all my needs are met? I have shelter, I have food, I have more than a lot of people, and I am happy.

But there is so much that I don't know about myself, there are so many places that I want to go to, and I long for a career that makes me happy.

I want to throw caution in the wind, and become an elephant zookeeper. I want to go on a safari and get a tan. I want to move out, and take care of myself.

But I have so many responsibilities. I have so much pressure in my life. I have so many expectations to meet, and I don't have the freedom or luxury to do what I truly want, what I truly long to do.

I don't resent my life or the responsibilities I have. I just want more, and that makes me feel really guilty.

I just wish that life wasn't so hard. That things were different. I hate having to be practical.

But I am ok with it. I can deal with it. I have to. I do enjoy and love my life. I just sometimes want more. Does that even make any sense? 

Please forgive me as I am having another quarter life crisis. It's hard for me to just trust that my life will turn out ok. I've always been the type of person who needed a plan, and knew what I wanted from life. I can't comprehend the unknown. I must always know where my life is going. I like having a plan.

Right now, I just don't know anything. I don't know what I want. I don't know what I need. I don't know who I truly am, and that frustrates me to no end.

I'm pretty stressed out. I'm cracking from the pressure.

I really need a job. A paralegal job. My mind is scattered with so many thoughts. Ugh, I can't even think properly.