A Look Back At High School Hang

High school for me was FIVE years ago. You heard me right, F-I-V-E years ago. I often wonder how I got so old.

At 18 I thought I knew what I who I was, and how my life was going to pan out. I thought I'd become a nurse, be extremely happy, and own a pet dog. I really believed it.

I was convinced I knew everything there was about me. I knew I was goofy, I knew I wanted to have fun, and I knew I wanted to travel.

I had my life planned out, and I was convinced I wasn't going to change. I thought I would always be that carefree, happy, sweet girl.

Over the years, life smacked me around a bit. I had to deal with disappointments, heartbreak, challenges, death, and a lot of failures.

I started to change over the years. I was still happy, but I started to slowly become cynical. I started to be more cautious, and the spontaneous girl in me started to fade. 

I started panicking about how my life was going. I no longer was sure of myself. I had changed my majors a million times, and had no idea what I wanted to do.

I lost all sense of who I was.

And from this day, I still wonder. I don't know what I really want. I don't know who I really am. I don't know where my life is going. I don't know very much about life.

And it scares the crap out of me.

What am I meant to do? 

I know the answer isn't going to appear in front of my very own eyes, but I have no idea where I am going to find the answer.

My 18 year old self had it so much easier. She didn't have to deal with the reality that my 23 year old self has to.

I miss my 18 year old self. She was fun.

Growing up means you worry more. I started to become paranoid and scared, and now I am having an identity crisis... maybe even a quarter life crisis.