Hang's Ode to Pottery Barn Kids

I have a confession to make. I have a deep love for Pottery Barn Kids. I know what you guys are thinking, "But you don't have any kids!" Who needs kids to love that place? I want all that stuff for myself!

I realize that I am 23, and am a full grown adult. Even though I know all this, I have an addiction to Pottery Barn Kids. I want their elephant lunch bag (which are made for preschoolers), their children's costumes (They have a hamburger costume... I can pretend it's a boca burger!), and even their furniture is adorable and irresistible.

Whenever I am looking at their catalog (Yes, I am registered for their catalogs.), I have an urge to buy a doll house, personalized pillows or star wars bed sheets.

I can't help it. I have a ridiculous love for Pottery Barn Kids.

You Know Hang?

I've been pleasantly surprised lately. Apparently, people know me better than I thought they did.

I've always felt like I was introverted, and so I didn't really talk about myself in much details. I say things, but a lot of times I feel like people aren't interested in my problems or how I feel, so I don't say much.

A friend invited me on a trip last week. When it was almost time to actually go, he understood that I would feel left out with a bunch of strangers, and decided that maybe it was best I didn't go. I was actually surprised to know that he put some thought in how I would feel in that situation. I didn't even know that he knew me that well.

My best friend told me that I should seriously stop sitting around, and actually do what I really want to do with my life. That there were ways to actually do what I want to do while doing the things that I have to do. It's so nice to have a fresh perspective, and she's totally right. I should do what I love. I don't want any regrets.

Someone else told me that I make things more difficult than they really are. I really needed a reality check, and boy did they give it to me. I know what the right thing to do is, and so I should just do it.

Another friend always offers to drive me places because she knows how much I hate driving. I think that's totally considerate of her, and I always appreciate it.

Many times people will say something about me, and I'd be surprised that they even noticed. They'll comment that I'm always eating the same things, or that I always make a certain face when I am upset, or the fact that I can't sit still and am always wiggling my toes. You guys notice? I had no idea.

Maybe I am more transparent than I thought I was. No, I think I just have amazing people in my life.

Currently, Hang is...

1. Super stressed. Not knowing what you want to do with your life, and not being able to find a job is definitely kicking me in the butt. Life is so hard, and it's not getting any easier. No, not at all.
2. Now a real vegetarian. I'm no longer going to eat seafood. I'm giving up my pescetarian ways, and decided to become full vegetarian! Yay for new challenges. I just hope I will survive.
3. Really hot. This heat wave is making me really cranky. I need a river that runs through my property so I can dip my feet. (Oh Zion, my love for you has ruined me. Haha.) :)
4. Loving my friends. How could I ever survive without you guys? I know I don't tell you enough that I love you guys, but I hope you already know.
5. Addicted to Facebook games. Darn you, Happy Farm and Farmville! You take too much of my time. I need a new hobby. At least a hobby that isn't expensive because I can't afford photography right now. 
6. Hating how I am so indecisive. I really need to be able to decide something, and stick to it. I hate how I am fickle, and am always changing my mind. Someone needs to show me how to be more firm.
7. Also hating how I am a Negative Nelly. I need to be more of a Positive Polly, but it's so freaking hard. Will things really get better?
8. Upset that I dropped the book I was reading into the toilet. I was washing my hands, and knocked the book over. I was halfway through, and now I have to go get another copy. (I realize again that this is too much information, but don't judge me. I got to be me!)

Back to School Sale and Hang

I have a ridiculous love for back to school sales. I wait all year for it, and when the Sunday paper comes, I scour the pages of the advertisements looking for great deals.

I realize that this sounds completely nerdy and strange, but the thing is... I have an obsession for pens, crayons, and everything that is considered school supply.

I'm pretty picky about my pens. It has to be the perfect size, writes extra fine, is retractable, and have black ink. I've been using the Pilot G2 gel pens for awhile now, and have recently discovered the Pilot Precise V5 pens. They are amazing! They are also pretty expensive, so when I found them for $2.50 this week at Target, I had to snag 5 packs. You just never know when you will run out. 

I have a box of 120 crayons in my room. I use them to write letters with, draw pictures, etc. I don't need any more crayons in my life, but then I saw a pack of them on sale for 25 cents at Target. What did I do? I physically and mentally had to get them. I don't know why I need them. I just know I do. Plus, there's no better feeling than when you are coloring with a brand new crayon. (Please don't judge me. I can't help who I am. Haha.)

Don't even get me started on lunch pails and boxes. If they are even slightly cute, I have a need to have it. I just want it so bad that it will physically hurt me to walk away.

Am I insane? Probably. Do I need help? Most likely. Do I love school sales? Absolutely. 

Which reminds me, I have school next week. 

Hang is Sweaty

...And it's unattractive. Not that I'm normally attractive, but the heat is making me crazy. How is it possible that it's 80+ degrees, and it's almost midnight?! 

The gross part is that I sweat A LOT. My face gets sticky, my clothes gets damp, and pimples start to appear. I know this is too much information, but I'm just putting it out there. 

I look forward to the nights to escape the heat, and even that isn't happening! I am going insane.

I don't even have AC at my house.

We have fans, and it blows hot hair into my face. I don't think I like that. Actually, I KNOW I don't like that.

I want to live in a cool movie theater. They have AC.

Hang's Hopes and Dreams

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I really want from life. What I wish and hope will be in my future. I know that will not necessarily get everything I want, but I can dream.

I don't aim to be rich, or famous, or popular, or even the life of the party. I just want to be happy. Truly happy. I just want to live for me.

I have some short term goals for the next year. I would like to have a job ASAP (This girl needs money to travel!), go to Germany, Netherlands, Belgium, Luxembourg, and France with my brother next summer (Oh how wonderful it is to have family in Europe!), and do a cross country trip with Frances and her sister (Her sister is moving to Ohio next summer).

My long term goals has no limits. I'm pretty sure some of it is not very realistic, but that won't keep me from trying to achieve it. I want to travel to all 50 states, and explore every continent. I want to get married to someone fabulous, and have the cutest kids in all of humanity. To be able to watch my children get married, and live happy lives. Live in a comfortable home, and own an adorable dog. Spoil my parents because they deserve it. Help society and the world in some way, even if it is little. I want to say when I am old that I have no regrets, and that I did everything possible to live the fullest life.

There are so many things that I want from my life. I may be a bit gloomy about life right now, but I know that things will get better, and that I will achieve a lot of my dreams. 

I can't wait for it to happen. :)

Job Hunting is Driving Hang CRAZY

I always knew finding a job would be extremely hard. I also know that it's really not a good time to be needing a job with people losing their jobs in the thousands.

But I had hoped that by now I would at least have an internship. That I would as least be doing something relating to the degree that I had earned. I just want to work in an office. I need some office experience.

I worked too hard for it just to go to waste. I remember the countless hours where I cried over my assignments. The days where I couldn't think about anything except the pile of projects that I had to do. Was it all for nothing?

I know I'm just being bitter and complainy, but it's very discouraging when you can't find a job. I feel hopeless sometimes. 

When will I get my break?

I feel so unproductive and its causing me distress. I keep praying that things will get better, but I don't know how it can.

Why don't I know any lawyers? Why didn't I try to get an internship earlier? 

I guess all I can do is keep trying. Not getting a job is definitely not an option...

Spoiled Hang

The last two days has been spent eating. I know what you are thinking... you have to eat everyday to maintain a healthy life style, so what else is new? What I really meant was that I've been eating like the Queen for the last two days. 

I was having a sleepover yesterday with Frances. It's just so beautiful there, and the weather is always so nice. It's always a lot of fun exploring San Diego. I especially love the zoo, and seeing the animals. I always want to pick them up, put them on my lap, and cuddle them. Even if they are a polar bear.

I started off with a fabulous breakfast made by Frances' sister. Have I ever told anyone that I loved hash browns, and that they were the reason for my existence? I know I say that a lot, but I actually mean if for hash browns. Well, maybe for sushi too. Oh, and tofu. Maybe churros too. 

Frances has been wanting to go to a place called Veg N Out for awhile now, so we decided to eat there for lunch. I've always went to restaurants with vegetarian options, but never been to a real vegetarian place. You can imagine my excitement. I was giddy from just thinking about it.

We ordered a hash brown burger, chili cheese burger, and a corn dog. It was AMAZING! I still can't believe that everything I ate was vegetarian! It didn't taste weird at all. I can now eat the vegetarian version of all the foods that I had loved before.

All is right in my world again. 

I have an urge to take everyone I know to that place. I never want to preach or try to push my views onto people, but I would love the chance to show them how incredible vegetarian food is. I just want to share my love for it with every person I know. 

We then proceeded to do something bad for dinner. We went out again, and had sushi. I don't need to tell you guys how amazing it was. You already know my undying love for it. Let's just say that Hang was really happy.

I love having a friend that is always willing and wanting to try new things. I love that she has embraced my vegetarian/pescetarian ways, and is always willing to accommodate me. I love how Frances is always willing to try interesting things with me, and will not hesitate to try new things. Everyone needs a friend like her. She understands my love for animals, and accepts me for the crazy person that I am. Actually, I love her family too. They always make sure I have something to eat when I am over.

I continued to spend the next day (which is today) eating more sushi, pizza, and a baked salmon. 

I am so spoiled, but I know I have to go back to eating not so exciting food tomorrow. I'll probably make myself a sandwich, and dream about the next time I get to eat something amazing.

Hang Feels Old

I don't understand music these days. Why are they talking about how great they are? Why are they on a boat? I don't want to hear about all the women they slept with or how many baby mommas they have. Why would anyone do drugs, and then talk about it? 

Where is the happy music? Where is the sappy love songs?

I don't understand the way kids dress these day. I was never fashionable, but I really don't understand why people wear such ridiculous clothing. What is up with the metro clothing? What is up with the super tight clothing? What is up with their hair?

I'm only a few years older than these teenagers, but I feel so ancient compared to them. Was it really that long ago when I was there age? Is everything I found cool in my teenage years uncool now?

In my confusion I am starting to feel really, really, really old. I'm starting to say, "Back in my day, you couldn't..."

I'm just OLD SCHOOL! Haha. Sorry, I had to put that in.

How Hang Keeps in Touch

I realized that I'm TERRIBLE at keeping in touch with people in my life.

I just always assume that if someone cares enough about me that they would do the calling, the e-mailing, the letter writings, the visiting, etc.

I just assume if someone really wanted to talk to me, they would find a way to communicate with me. If they don't keep in touch then I just assume they didn't care to.

But there is a flaw in my theory. I care about a lot of people, but I never attempt to make contact with them. Maybe they are waiting for me to call? Maybe they think the same way I do.

Am I just lazy?

Sometimes I do feel like I'm not interesting enough for people to want to actually keep in touch with.

I also may be lacking people skills.

Or maybe I'm just really bad at keeping in touch...

Hang's Sleeping Pattern

I can't sleep at night. I like to stay up late doing nothing and wasting time.

I haven't been sleeping before 3am for awhile. The only time I sleep earlier is if I'm super tired from the lack of the sleep the night before or I took medicine and it made me sleepy.

I know this will be a problem if I ever start working because it seriously kills me to get up early. Even if I already had my 8 hours of sleep.

The thing is... I love sleep. I wish I could do it more often. I sometimes wish I can stay in bed all day. I realize that I waste a lot of time sleeping instead of doing something productive, but I can't help myself. I'm always sleepy!

I've generally always been a night person. I am most productive at night, and most unproductive in the morning. I just can't function in the morning. I have no idea why.

I'm also extremely cranky in the morning. It's not a pretty sight. Not at all.

But I also realized that a lot of people are this way. It's a comfort because I know I'm not alone. :)

Time and Hang

I wished I've always known what I was going to do. I wish that I hadn't spent the last 5 years deciding on what I wanted to do. 

I've always been envious of people like my brother who have always known what they wanted to do. Why can't I be like those people? Why couldn't I have grown up knowing exactly what and where I wanted to be when I grew up?

Even though I decided some time ago to become a paralegal, my heart still wants more. I want to be a geology/photography major, and work for travel magazines or National Geographic. I want to travel as part of my job, and I want to be able to take beautiful pictures of the places I travel to. 

For some reason, I love rocks. I also love volcanoes and earthquakes. Geology fascinates me.

I hate the fact that I'm old now. I can't expect my parents to take care of me while I continue to go to school. If I decided to go on with my education, I'm going to have to work. 

I wouldn't mind working, and going to school at the same time. I think that would be ideal, but I can't even find a job. 

Why couldn't I have known that I loved geology when I started college? Life would of been so much easier. 

Who is Hang?

I'm always am confused about which culture I belong in.

I don't really relate to the Vietnamese culture, the Japanese culture or even the American culture.

I am ethnically Vietnamese. I love Vietnamese food. I fit some of the Vietnamese stereotype. I'm short, education is important to me, I have no table manners, but I don't understand their mannerism. I don't understand the language really well or even know the culture. I've never even set foot in Vietnam.

I was born in Japan. I love Japanese food, their culture, and really loved living there. No matter how much I love the Japanese culture, I am not Japanese, and I don't really fit in their culture either.

I have lived in America for most of my life. My nationality is American. I fit some of the American stereotypes too. I love being American, being free, and the opportunities that are given to me, but I don't exactly fit in.

I have Vietnamese, Japanese, and American tendencies. I don't exactly fit into one group. I'm just a mixture of cultures, and I sometimes wonder where I belong. Who am I?

I know that the way I was raised and grew up has greatly influenced my personality. A lot of time it's hard for people to understand or even relate to my story.

I've had an interesting life, and it's always interesting to compare it with others. I think it gives me something to talk about when I am meeting new people. I'm always fascinated by other people's cultures, and life experiences.

What Makes Hang Laugh

I love to laugh. I love goofy people. I love people who are able to laugh at themselves, and not take things to the heart. 

I wish I spent more time laughing, and less time stressing.

What always guarantees a laugh from me is a good children's joke. Those will amuse me for endless hours. I could spend days laughing over those jokes. It's true.

Just to prove to you how cute and funny they are, I am posting a few:

Q: What do you call a clam that steals all the pearls?

A: Shellfish! (Get it? It sounds like selfish! )

Q: Which dinosaur put on the bandage?

A: The one with the dino-sore. 

Q: Who won the skeleton beauty contest?

A: No body.

Q: Why did Count Dracula see his doctor?

A: He was always coffin. 

Q: Why was everyone worried about the small bucket?

A: It was a little pail. 

Hahahaha. I couldn't stop laughing as I was typing them. They really do lighten my mood, and I always love to hear them. 

I've always had a childish sense of humor, and it amuses me immensely when I meet someone else who shares the same love. I'm such a sucker for these kind of jokes.

In my heart, I'm still a kid. :)

Is it just me or do other people love children's jokes too? 

Hang Needs a Hug

I don't think people get enough hugs in their lives. 

Hugs always makes everything better. :)

At the Moment, Hang is...

1. In such a depressed mood lately, and it's driving me nuts. I hate feeling like poo all the time. 
2. Trying not to eat fish, and it's only making me want to eat fish even more. I dream of sushi all the time.
3. Which brings me to my next topic. I've been having a lot of nightmares. I usually don't remember my dreams, but because they are so bad, I remember them all. They only cause me to worry more when I wake up.
4. Sleeping for long periods of time. I don't know if it's because I've been sad lately.
5. Hating when I am alone. I spend a lot of time by myself now, and it freaks me out. 
6. Happy that school is starting soon. Yay! :)

Hang's Sis-mance

Why do they have a word for bromance, but not a sismance? Is it just natural that when girls are really close, they tend to act a certain way?

I for one love Frances. She's my best friend, and I can't imagine my life without her, nor am I afraid to share that information with the world. She knows I love her, and I guess so does the rest of the world.

But is that strange? We've always had a strong bond, and could easily relate to each other. It's hard not to because we basically grew up together. We got used to taking naps together, stroking each other's arms, and praising each other. I also thought that is was perfectly normal behavior. Doesn't everyone do that?

I love all my friends, and am not afraid to show that. When we hang out, I claim we are on dates. I tell them I love them, and I'll compliment them if I see something nice. Isn't that what all girlfriends do? Isn't it the social norm?

I believe friends are important, and that you need them in your life. They are the voice of reason, the shoulder to cry on, and they make life better by being in yours.

I understand the bond of bromance and sismance, but can friends of the opposite sex be the best of friends?

I know that girls and guys can be good friends, but I also believe that when a guy and girl are best of friends, it leads to complications. Someone (or both) always develop feelings for the other person. It's natural that you would fall for your best friend when you share such a close bond. You basically know each other already, and obviously care for each other. I don't think it can be helped.

Being in love with your best friend is always a very difficult position. You're basically stuck between a rock and a hard place. Do you risk your relationship or always wonder what could of been? Wow, thinking about gave me a headache, but good thing I am not in this kind of situation.(Don't worry Frances, I'm not in that kind of love with you even though I love you dearly.)

I will end this post with-

The only kind of boat you can't sink is... friendship.

I forgot where I heard this line, but it always makes me laugh. 

A Look Back At High School Hang

High school for me was FIVE years ago. You heard me right, F-I-V-E years ago. I often wonder how I got so old.

At 18 I thought I knew what I who I was, and how my life was going to pan out. I thought I'd become a nurse, be extremely happy, and own a pet dog. I really believed it.

I was convinced I knew everything there was about me. I knew I was goofy, I knew I wanted to have fun, and I knew I wanted to travel.

I had my life planned out, and I was convinced I wasn't going to change. I thought I would always be that carefree, happy, sweet girl.

Over the years, life smacked me around a bit. I had to deal with disappointments, heartbreak, challenges, death, and a lot of failures.

I started to change over the years. I was still happy, but I started to slowly become cynical. I started to be more cautious, and the spontaneous girl in me started to fade. 

I started panicking about how my life was going. I no longer was sure of myself. I had changed my majors a million times, and had no idea what I wanted to do.

I lost all sense of who I was.

And from this day, I still wonder. I don't know what I really want. I don't know who I really am. I don't know where my life is going. I don't know very much about life.

And it scares the crap out of me.

What am I meant to do? 

I know the answer isn't going to appear in front of my very own eyes, but I have no idea where I am going to find the answer.

My 18 year old self had it so much easier. She didn't have to deal with the reality that my 23 year old self has to.

I miss my 18 year old self. She was fun.

Growing up means you worry more. I started to become paranoid and scared, and now I am having an identity crisis... maybe even a quarter life crisis.

Hang Doesn't Understand

I love my mother. I do. She's my hero, and I admire her greatly.

But I HATE how she doesn't treat my brother and I equally. I don't mind half the time. I don't mind doing all the chores and grocery shopping. I actually enjoy that, and my OCD is not satisfied with what my brother considers clean, so I rather do it myself.

I hate how she'll call me the minute it's midnight when I am out to see where I am. She'll call me 16 times if that's what it takes for me to pick up the phone. Then she would proceed to yell at me. 

She believes that because I'm a girl, I should not be allowed to go out at night. My brother can go out all night long and not bother to call home. My mother doesn't even blink twice over that.

It's because he's a boy, she says. It's because he can't come home pregnant. Girls can get pregnant, and we have to carry the shame.

WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!

I'm seriously a goody-two-shoes. I can't believe she thinks I am mindless enough to go out and get pregnant.

I'M 23! I'm not a silly teenager anymore. I understand what my actions may lead to. I know that I don't want to be pregnant before I am married. I know all this!

I wish she would give me more credit. I wish she would just trust me like she does with my brother. He parties into the morning, and that's ok. I go out to watch a meteor shower, and I get in trouble. 

Sometimes I wish I was a boy. Things would be much easier...

Little Hang's Childhood

We didn't have very many things when I was growing up. My parents sewed for a living, and that never brought enough income into the house.

We never went on family trips because we couldn't afford trips or vacations. My parents also couldn't afford a day off. I used to envy the kids that got to go to the Grand Canyon or trips to New York.

I didn't get new clothes often, and wore a lot of clothing from garage sales and hand-me-downs. I even remember having to wear shoes to school that were too small for me. My big toes eventually ripped a hole in my shoe.

I remember being extremely embarrassed by the car my dad drove. The paint was chipping, and the car was really old. If I ever missed the bus to school, I would have him drive me to school. I would then have him drop me a block away from school, so that I could walk the rest of the way.

I didn't want other people to know how poor I was. I didn't want other people to know how I lived, so I barely ever invited anyone over.

We lived with my aunts, uncles, and grandparents so that rent would be affordable. I never even had my own room growing up.

We depended on government aid for health care, school lunches, bus passes, food stamps, and countless other things.

And I used to be ashamed of it. I used to wish that I was someone else. I would dream about the day that I would become a millionaire, and then I would be able to leave poverty behind me.

But when I think back to it now, I realize how blessed I was. How fortunate I was to have the things I did have. That I had a loving home, and parents who spoiled me as best as they could. I'm no longer ashamed of it, and am happy that we survived it.

My parents still work extremely hard (14 hour days) in order for my brother and I to follow our dreams. They no longer sew, and we no longer live with extended family members, but we still struggle from day to day. 

I still envy people with vacation homes and large bank accounts, but I realize that happiness is not based on how much you have or what you own, but what you make of your life.

I am very blessed and fortunate to have the life I have now, and I am not embarrassed by it. There is nothing embarrassing about hard work or being poor. I would been a different person today if it wasn't for my upbringing. I wouldn't have been forced to use my imagination for entertainment or have the library become my third home (Frances' house was my second home). 

You know what? I actually like who I am today. I appreciate everything that comes my way because I understand what it's like to struggle.

Hang Eats Too Much Fish

Note: Tuna is the love of my life, and I do not own this picture.

Lately all I've been eating is fish. I eat it almost everyday.

I don't really get my proteins from any other source other than tofu and eggs, but I only have tofu in my house once a week, and I try not to eat too many eggs.

Now I have a fear that I will get mercury poisoning. I keep reading about how people get really sick from eating too much fish, and now I am really paranoid that I'm going to be next.

The thing is... I LOVE sushi, I LOVE eating fish, and it's really hard for me to resist. 

I was even on this website where they calculate your mercury intake for you. The website told me to lay off the fish, and that I was consuming a dangerous amount of mercury.

Ok, I get the hint. Now I am wondering how will I survive? I guess I could just eat less fish, and eat more tofu. 

A Spa Day for Hang

Note: I do not own this picture. 

Nina (One of my beloved friend) gave me and Suzanna (Another dear friend) a fantastic graduation present yesterday. A spa pedicure and dessert. What a treat!

I spent a lot of time deciding on what color I wanted to paint my toes. Did I want blue? Did I want purple? Did I want green? Did I want yellow? Or maybe I wanted orange? 

At the end I decided I wanted them all. Who doesn't want colorful toes?

And you know what? I ended up really loving it. I love the crazy colors on my toes, and I love the nice massage they give you. (No photos because I don't have a camera. Woe is me...)

I was surprised how much I enjoyed the spa. I've gotten a pedicure and manicure once before, but I don't think I had that much fun the last time. I barely even remember that experience.

The day even got better when we went for sushi. I LOOOOOOOOOVE sushi. It's seriously my life. The sushi we got was so amazing that every bite you took, the fish melted in your mouth. Oh my gosh, I am still dreaming about them. 

Then fro-yo for dessert? I'm all over that. It was the perfect ending to a fabulous meal.

Overall, I had an excellent day... :)

Hang Reads

I found this book, and thought it would be interesting to read.

And it is. I keep laughing from all the cheesiness. I'm still amused that anyone would write such a book. Jane Austen and Zombies? Who would of thought...

Hang Really Enjoyed a Movie

Please do not continue to read this post if you do not want a movie to be spoiled for you. Thank you.

I just watched 500 Days of Summer, and really enjoyed it. It's not really a love story at all. In fact, it's a bit depressing. 

But it's realistic. It's life. It also fit the mood I've been in lately. The mood where I don't think things always ever end up the way you wish it did.

Things usually don't turn out the way you want it to, but the strange thing is... Life always goes on. You have to keep on living. Time also heal (or at least lessens) all wounds.

That's what is so amazing about life. That's what I needed to be reminded of. 

But don't worry guys, the movie redeems itself at the end. It's a great movie, so check it out.

But then again, it may only seem really good to me because I'm in a funk, and am currently cynical about life.

Hang is Camera Shopping AGAIN

Note: I want this camera. It's so coooooool!

I returned the most beautiful, amazing, and fantastic camera that I have ever owned yesterday. It hurts me that I had returned my beloved camera, but I know it had to be done. It was just way too expensive for me at the moment.

I couldn't keep because of the guilt I felt. I knew I shouldn't be spending so much when I don't even have a job. 

It also required a lot of accessories. I wanted a tripod, 100 lenses, filters, photoshop, etc. The list is so massive, and I am so broke. Camera equipments are my addiction, and they call out to me. 

I believe that if I ever have tons of money, I would spend it all on food, traveling, and camera equipments. It's almost an obsession.

Now that I won't let myself drown in all that DSLR glory, I now need a nice point and shoot. It's definitely not the same, but I must push aside my need for a DSLR for now. 

Someday, I'll have a DSLR, 100 lenses, filters, tripod, photoshop, and the countless other things that I know I will claim that I need in my life. 

I can't help my addiction. I can't help my love. I need camera equipments in my life.

Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah-beeeee Boo Hang

I've been in one of those funks for awhile now, and it's starting to really bum me out!

I want out! I want to be giddy again. I want to take a break from the blues.

I definitely need a hug.

P.S. I may be a bit more distressed than usual because I have just given up the love of my life, my camera.

What Hang Wants

Is it bad to want more?

Let me explain... I love my life. I don't really have much to complain about. I have loving parents, amazing friends, and am able to do most of the things I want within reasons. I have a really wonderful life, but sometimes I am left with wanting more.

I don't want to seem selfish, and I don't mean to be, but I have so many wants in my life. Shouldn't I be content because all my needs are met? I have shelter, I have food, I have more than a lot of people, and I am happy.

But there is so much that I don't know about myself, there are so many places that I want to go to, and I long for a career that makes me happy.

I want to throw caution in the wind, and become an elephant zookeeper. I want to go on a safari and get a tan. I want to move out, and take care of myself.

But I have so many responsibilities. I have so much pressure in my life. I have so many expectations to meet, and I don't have the freedom or luxury to do what I truly want, what I truly long to do.

I don't resent my life or the responsibilities I have. I just want more, and that makes me feel really guilty.

I just wish that life wasn't so hard. That things were different. I hate having to be practical.

But I am ok with it. I can deal with it. I have to. I do enjoy and love my life. I just sometimes want more. Does that even make any sense? 

Please forgive me as I am having another quarter life crisis. It's hard for me to just trust that my life will turn out ok. I've always been the type of person who needed a plan, and knew what I wanted from life. I can't comprehend the unknown. I must always know where my life is going. I like having a plan.

Right now, I just don't know anything. I don't know what I want. I don't know what I need. I don't know who I truly am, and that frustrates me to no end.

I'm pretty stressed out. I'm cracking from the pressure.

I really need a job. A paralegal job. My mind is scattered with so many thoughts. Ugh, I can't even think properly.

Hang's Puppy Fever at the Beach

I went with the Phans this morning to the beach, and was surprised to see how busy it was. Who on earth wakes up at 6 or 7 in the morning to go surfing? I don't think anyone could ever tempt me to wake up that early to then go into freezing cold water. Well, not unless you bribe me. I am pretty easily bought.

The weather was pretty nice, and getting an apple pie was even better. I'm starting to think that pie is the cure for all my woes. I do love eating pie.

It was nice to get away. To do something else rather than simply going to Target (Don't get me wrong, Target is AMAZING!) or sitting around watching something on the computer. There's nothing nicer than the ocean breeze or a nice stroll down the sidewalk.

Unless you have puppy fever, and on your stroll you see cute puppies in a basket. Then a stroll down the beach may be a bad idea.

There were these three adorable puppies sitting in a basket, and I wanted so desperately to steal them and take home. How could I resist their adorable faces, and cute little tails? I have an illness, I tell you! Whenever a dog walks by, I can't help but stare at them longingly. (I do that with cameras too. People may think I am checking them out when I am merely checking out their camera.) Why can't I have one? Why can't one of those precious puppies be mine?

Oh yeah, right, I have no time or money for that matter... SIGH.

Someone needs to let me dog sit their dogs.

Oh, and don't even get me started on the cute babies at the beach... My heart can not bare all the cuteness that those babies seem to have. :)

Hang's Car

My car decided to act up today. I think it was protesting. 

I HATE the check engine light. I always imagine the worst. I always imagine the something terrible is going to happen, and that I will crash into a wall. I may have a paranoid and imaginative mind. 

I ended up fixing it, so all it ok in my world again. 

I am really starting to think I may be a bit OCD. At least with some things... (Here is the part where you reassure me that I am perfectly normal, and am in no way slightly OCD. Haha.)

Goodbyes are Hard for Hang

Yes it is hard, so I refuse to say goodbye. I'll just say... See you later, Long. I may just kick you when I get to heaven though. 

But for now, at least in this life, I will visit you. You'll now be forced to listen to anything I tell you.